Line astern four huge tower blocks of the oceans followed the ship into St John's, Antigua, while from
the open deck above the bows the distant town was beginning to appear in the pre-dawn light.
"It's lovely isn't it but I'm not very happy. They haven't treated us very well." There was no pause to
allow for agreement or even a sympathetic sigh. "We had a leak you know, in our suite so we had to
clear out and they only had one more suite available and it had a bath and I don't like baths and we
had chosen the suite we were in especially but I won't go back there, not now, even if they dry it all out
properly and clean it up, it won't be the same."
A large pelican swung by and plunged into the water just off the port quarter, it surfaced and with cat like arrogance floated just off the ship's course, staring up in irritation that such a thing should enter its world and clearly determined that it was not going to move for something as unimportant and ill-mannered as a ship.
"They expected us to pack things up so we said 'no you'll have to send someone' and so they sent a boy with one of those, you know, those trolleys with a hanging rail on it and do you know what he did? No I didn't think so, he did nothing, he just stood there while we hung the things from our wardrobes onto the rails and then when we got to the new suite he just stood while we took things off the rail only to find that the hangers didn't fit the rails in the new suite so we had to move the things from the old hangers to the new hangers."
The ship began to turn with a tug in attendance, a busy little porter waiting to do something that might earn a tip, although modern ships have no need for tugs with bow thrusters and stern thrusters making self-docking the norm. The pelican now bobbed in the wake and looked imperiously at the four monsters that followed.
"Well Harry measured the suite, not with a tape of course we're not that pernickety, he paced it out and he thinks that it's three inches longer but a little narrower which isn't really good enough is it? And they made us move all of our things, everything when we could have left some things in the old suite and given ourselves more room and we didn't know what time we could move they said it would be the morning then they said late morning then the afternoon and we didn't move until the afternoon and did I tell you they wanted us to pack everything. The new suites further away from the lifts as well so we have to walk further whenever we do anything. It's not right is it?"
A small Pilot Cutter was used to collect the lines. Leaning back against the bow rail a rotund Antiguan barely moved as the helmsman manoeuvred the cutter so that his partner's boat hook gathered up the line, at which point a large hand twisted slightly to trap the line and the cutter ran along to where onshore linesmen stretched out and reached the line which was released by the slightest untwisting of the large hand.
"Well what would you do? I'll tell you what we did, we went to the Senior Hotel Officer and gave him a piece of our minds . . . . . . . . . ."
Crew lowered the gangway and the immigration officials came aboard so that the head of ship's security could negotiate clearance.
". . . . . . and the soft furnishings are a different colour too so that's off-putting. We've been treated very badly haven't we?"
"Oh, what, sorry." She actually expected an answer and more remarkably had stopped talking. Her eyes made contact, filled with expectation.
"Treated badly, don't you think?"
"Well at least they had another suite to offer you. It would have been awful if you'd had to move to an ordinary cabin. Sorry, have to go now and have a bite to eat before going ashore."
The pelican was staring out the Adventure of the Seas and all of its 3500 passengers and in the background a familiar voice had found some more unwilling ears.
"We've been hard done by you know . . . . "
A large pelican swung by and plunged into the water just off the port quarter, it surfaced and with cat like arrogance floated just off the ship's course, staring up in irritation that such a thing should enter its world and clearly determined that it was not going to move for something as unimportant and ill-mannered as a ship.
"They expected us to pack things up so we said 'no you'll have to send someone' and so they sent a boy with one of those, you know, those trolleys with a hanging rail on it and do you know what he did? No I didn't think so, he did nothing, he just stood there while we hung the things from our wardrobes onto the rails and then when we got to the new suite he just stood while we took things off the rail only to find that the hangers didn't fit the rails in the new suite so we had to move the things from the old hangers to the new hangers."
The ship began to turn with a tug in attendance, a busy little porter waiting to do something that might earn a tip, although modern ships have no need for tugs with bow thrusters and stern thrusters making self-docking the norm. The pelican now bobbed in the wake and looked imperiously at the four monsters that followed.
"Well Harry measured the suite, not with a tape of course we're not that pernickety, he paced it out and he thinks that it's three inches longer but a little narrower which isn't really good enough is it? And they made us move all of our things, everything when we could have left some things in the old suite and given ourselves more room and we didn't know what time we could move they said it would be the morning then they said late morning then the afternoon and we didn't move until the afternoon and did I tell you they wanted us to pack everything. The new suites further away from the lifts as well so we have to walk further whenever we do anything. It's not right is it?"
A small Pilot Cutter was used to collect the lines. Leaning back against the bow rail a rotund Antiguan barely moved as the helmsman manoeuvred the cutter so that his partner's boat hook gathered up the line, at which point a large hand twisted slightly to trap the line and the cutter ran along to where onshore linesmen stretched out and reached the line which was released by the slightest untwisting of the large hand.
"Well what would you do? I'll tell you what we did, we went to the Senior Hotel Officer and gave him a piece of our minds . . . . . . . . . ."
Crew lowered the gangway and the immigration officials came aboard so that the head of ship's security could negotiate clearance.
". . . . . . and the soft furnishings are a different colour too so that's off-putting. We've been treated very badly haven't we?"
"Oh, what, sorry." She actually expected an answer and more remarkably had stopped talking. Her eyes made contact, filled with expectation.
"Treated badly, don't you think?"
"Well at least they had another suite to offer you. It would have been awful if you'd had to move to an ordinary cabin. Sorry, have to go now and have a bite to eat before going ashore."
The pelican was staring out the Adventure of the Seas and all of its 3500 passengers and in the background a familiar voice had found some more unwilling ears.
"We've been hard done by you know . . . . "
---OOO---
St John's has four town centre berths and these were reserved for the four dollar-rich monstrosities
leaving only the commercial berth. While the ship had been made fast the world's noisiest loader had
been used to move containers into a line that effectively fenced off the port and would funnel
passengers towards the port office over which swung the largest part of a broken sign that read "This
new facility is now in full operat". The sole remaining fixing point left the sign hanging on a diagonal
and the "ion" from operation lay grubbily on the ground below. Members of the crew were busy with
hoses and detergent trying to remove the thick layer of bunkering oil from the quayside at the point
where the gangway would disgorge passengers.
"Ding Dong. Good morning ladies and gentlemen this is Andy your cruise director speaking to you from the bridge and I am happy to tell you that we have received clearance and that passengers may now go ashore. There is a shuttle bus service running the mile and a half into the town centre but you are advised that the only bus available has just 14 seats so it may take some time so boarding cards will be required." Clearly the dollar 'doesn't talk it swears' and the best of everything had been reserved for the giant ships. Ripples of discontent ran like Mexican waves around the ship.
"Welcome to St John's, Antigua? Huh more like welcome to the Johns of Antigua."
"Talk about poor relations."
"The shops will be full of Americans too. Well it only takes two of them to fill a shop doesn't it?"
The transport was as comfortable as an overcrowded, barely sprung mini-bus could be. In a vehicle half the size of a Transit van, 14 passengers were crammed. As each bench seat for two was filled the arm rest was folded down into the aisle and became another seat with a back no more than six inches high. As the vehicle pulled away the three passengers on these seats fell backwards into each others laps unable to recover their seats until the brakes were applied abruptly for a traffic light. Conditions were so cramped that the level of intimacy imposed was the closest that some of the couples had been for many years and some of the single travellers almost felt obliged to marry their neighbours. There was no guide on the excursion which used five crowded minibuses, three doing double trips, to deliver everyone to the destination. However the ineffectual Bob and his wife Andrea appeared out of the leading bus wearing bright red baseball caps with the ships name. They explained, once to the jostlers how the day would work and then went in search of their loungers. This left 80 passengers without a clue regarding arrangements for spending the drink and food tokens. Eighty passengers at the mercy of the sun bed renters and sunshade leasers.
Water the colour of a dunnock's egg broke white onto the shell sand beach. A hundred yards from the entrance to the beach and the crowds had disappeared and for another 400 yards was deserted. It was easy to while away two hours amongst the profusion of colourful plants heading away from the crowd: a glimpsed hummingbird and butterflies like yellow and orange lightning flashing past. The return with the sea washing away all track and trace was timed for a beer before lunch.
"Oh it's you," spluttered Bob through lips smudged with barbecue sauce from a small pile of 'ribs'. "Sorry to disturb you but no one has explained the arrangements for drinks or lunch. I just tried to exchange a drink voucher for a beer and the fellow told me that they don't do that here."
"Of course they don't - you get you drinks over there and your food here."
"I think you're going to have a lot of other interruptions because very few people heard your instructions."
"Well they should have done."
"Some of them were still on the mini-buses."
"It's not my fault the Americans took all the good coaches."
"That's not the point is it? You made a quick announcement to about a tenth of the group and then ran for your loungers."
Bob looked crestfallen.
"Excuse me. What do we do about lunch?" Bob's ribs were going to be pretty cold by the time he took his next mouthful."
"Ding Dong. Good morning ladies and gentlemen this is Andy your cruise director speaking to you from the bridge and I am happy to tell you that we have received clearance and that passengers may now go ashore. There is a shuttle bus service running the mile and a half into the town centre but you are advised that the only bus available has just 14 seats so it may take some time so boarding cards will be required." Clearly the dollar 'doesn't talk it swears' and the best of everything had been reserved for the giant ships. Ripples of discontent ran like Mexican waves around the ship.
"Welcome to St John's, Antigua? Huh more like welcome to the Johns of Antigua."
"Talk about poor relations."
"The shops will be full of Americans too. Well it only takes two of them to fill a shop doesn't it?"
---OOO---
The excursion for the day was called the Castaway Beach Experience. All of the others had been
described in phrases such as "soaring heights", 'breathtaking views", or mountainous roads. Some pre-trip research had revealed that the Castaway Beach Experience was to visit a resort beach with native
forest at either end and expensive villas, no doubt with gardens, just inland - butterflies and birds,
butterflies and birds.
The transport was as comfortable as an overcrowded, barely sprung mini-bus could be. In a vehicle half the size of a Transit van, 14 passengers were crammed. As each bench seat for two was filled the arm rest was folded down into the aisle and became another seat with a back no more than six inches high. As the vehicle pulled away the three passengers on these seats fell backwards into each others laps unable to recover their seats until the brakes were applied abruptly for a traffic light. Conditions were so cramped that the level of intimacy imposed was the closest that some of the couples had been for many years and some of the single travellers almost felt obliged to marry their neighbours. There was no guide on the excursion which used five crowded minibuses, three doing double trips, to deliver everyone to the destination. However the ineffectual Bob and his wife Andrea appeared out of the leading bus wearing bright red baseball caps with the ships name. They explained, once to the jostlers how the day would work and then went in search of their loungers. This left 80 passengers without a clue regarding arrangements for spending the drink and food tokens. Eighty passengers at the mercy of the sun bed renters and sunshade leasers.
Water the colour of a dunnock's egg broke white onto the shell sand beach. A hundred yards from the entrance to the beach and the crowds had disappeared and for another 400 yards was deserted. It was easy to while away two hours amongst the profusion of colourful plants heading away from the crowd: a glimpsed hummingbird and butterflies like yellow and orange lightning flashing past. The return with the sea washing away all track and trace was timed for a beer before lunch.
"Oh it's you," spluttered Bob through lips smudged with barbecue sauce from a small pile of 'ribs'. "Sorry to disturb you but no one has explained the arrangements for drinks or lunch. I just tried to exchange a drink voucher for a beer and the fellow told me that they don't do that here."
"Of course they don't - you get you drinks over there and your food here."
"I think you're going to have a lot of other interruptions because very few people heard your instructions."
"Well they should have done."
"Some of them were still on the mini-buses."
"It's not my fault the Americans took all the good coaches."
"That's not the point is it? You made a quick announcement to about a tenth of the group and then ran for your loungers."
Bob looked crestfallen.
"Excuse me. What do we do about lunch?" Bob's ribs were going to be pretty cold by the time he took his next mouthful."
The afternoon walk to the other end of the bay was less rewarding. A whole pod of beached Americans
lay shiny and mahogany coloured along the strand. 'Rescue workers' dressed as waiters kept them
supplied with bottles of beer and burgers.
---OOO---
Back at the ship the puzzlers had uncovered a cache of new puzzles and were busy sorting out edges
and sky. There was evidence that their requisitioning of every surface, writing desks and card tables
included, had led to complaints. On all but the two puzzle tables notices had appeared "Please be
advised that this table is for the benefit of guests wishing to play cards or board games." Mean faced
puzzlers, usually so competitive muttered conspiratorially about discrimination and victimisation. 
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