As she pulled away from Antigua the mood on the ship changed - this was homeward bound with just
one more port of call in the Azores. Talk in the Observatory Bar turned to the next cruise as if the
current one was already over.
"Well we don't like to go back to the same place twice but the map's getting quite full now."
"I know what you mean. Cape Town's the only place I'd go back to: most other places in the world I can take them or leave them."
"We're thinking of staying on board for the next trip. Think it's away for two weeks. Do you know where it's going?"
"Norway I think for the Northern Lights. Mind you as far as ports are concerned it'll be dark most of the day won't it?"
"Doesn't matter really, there's not a lot to see up there is there?"
---OOO---
The paper bags started to appear tucked into the bannister rails and the ship started to move rather more. Pitching rather than rolling as a course was set into the teeth of a moderate to fresh North Easterly breeze the ship rose and fell: the deck at times rising up and then diving away from the walker. The inevitable competition to recall the roughest passages emerged in conversations throughout the ship.
"We came through Biscay on the Black Prince a few years ago and the waves were breaking over the bows."
"Breaking over the bows: millpond. We were on the Braemar and a wave flooded our balcony. It was so rough the waiters wouldn't let us use wine glasses. We had to have wine in whiskey tumblers."
"Well, after the waves broke over the bows we went for dinner and the waiters had to hold our plates as we ate."
"Plates? Food wouldn’t stay on a plate on the Braemar. We had plastic bowls and they were only filled to half way."
"Well by the second day there were only biscuits to eat and we had to drink from bottle using straws." And so the conversations went on ranging into ever greater fantasies.
"All the passengers and crew were sea sick and there was just the Captain, Bunty and m'self left standing."
"Well we sank twice."
---OOO---
Every day a lady on a small wheeled disability scooter roared up to the gaming tables and spent her afternoons trying to beat the roulette wheel. Her nose at table height she struggled to see what was going on but persisted whether it was a port day or a sea day.
"I've got a system," she confided loudly to anyone who passed by slowly enough that they might hear. "I only bet on my lucky numbers."
"Are you winning?"
"Not yet but I will, they're my lucky numbers."
"What are they?"
"I can't tell you. If I did they wouldn't be lucky any more."
"But we can see where you're placing your chips so we can find out easily enough."
"Ah, I thought of that so I put my chips on numbers near my lucky numbers."
---OOO---
Out on deck there was a deck quoits school. A group of eight to twelve people met every afternoon and pointed to the notice above the deck: "Please clear this area if guests wish to play deck games." Sunbathers dragged their sun beds begrudgingly away from the court muttering and mumbling about the selfishness of everybody else bar themselves. One afternoon two aggrieved sunbathers left their sun beds and set off to walk circuits of the deck reasoning that by so doing they would be able to disrupt the game of quoits once on each circuit. The tension rose with each circuit as the two insisted on their revenge through quoitus interruptus. By the fifth circuit it was clear that tempers were on the edge of snapping, wholly out of proportion to the situation. The ex-sunbathers, fearing violence settled elsewhere on the ship and the game of quoits came to an end. At that point the reason for the tension became clear. The losing team were handing over twenty pound notes to each member of the winning team. The game had been played for stakes approaching £200. Some people were becoming bored with sea days.
"I know what you mean. Cape Town's the only place I'd go back to: most other places in the world I can take them or leave them."
"We're thinking of staying on board for the next trip. Think it's away for two weeks. Do you know where it's going?"
"Norway I think for the Northern Lights. Mind you as far as ports are concerned it'll be dark most of the day won't it?"
"Doesn't matter really, there's not a lot to see up there is there?"
---OOO---
The paper bags started to appear tucked into the bannister rails and the ship started to move rather more. Pitching rather than rolling as a course was set into the teeth of a moderate to fresh North Easterly breeze the ship rose and fell: the deck at times rising up and then diving away from the walker. The inevitable competition to recall the roughest passages emerged in conversations throughout the ship.
"We came through Biscay on the Black Prince a few years ago and the waves were breaking over the bows."
"Breaking over the bows: millpond. We were on the Braemar and a wave flooded our balcony. It was so rough the waiters wouldn't let us use wine glasses. We had to have wine in whiskey tumblers."
"Well, after the waves broke over the bows we went for dinner and the waiters had to hold our plates as we ate."
"Plates? Food wouldn’t stay on a plate on the Braemar. We had plastic bowls and they were only filled to half way."
"Well by the second day there were only biscuits to eat and we had to drink from bottle using straws." And so the conversations went on ranging into ever greater fantasies.
"All the passengers and crew were sea sick and there was just the Captain, Bunty and m'self left standing."
"Well we sank twice."
---OOO---
Every day a lady on a small wheeled disability scooter roared up to the gaming tables and spent her afternoons trying to beat the roulette wheel. Her nose at table height she struggled to see what was going on but persisted whether it was a port day or a sea day.
"I've got a system," she confided loudly to anyone who passed by slowly enough that they might hear. "I only bet on my lucky numbers."
"Are you winning?"
"Not yet but I will, they're my lucky numbers."
"What are they?"
"I can't tell you. If I did they wouldn't be lucky any more."
"But we can see where you're placing your chips so we can find out easily enough."
"Ah, I thought of that so I put my chips on numbers near my lucky numbers."
---OOO---
Out on deck there was a deck quoits school. A group of eight to twelve people met every afternoon and pointed to the notice above the deck: "Please clear this area if guests wish to play deck games." Sunbathers dragged their sun beds begrudgingly away from the court muttering and mumbling about the selfishness of everybody else bar themselves. One afternoon two aggrieved sunbathers left their sun beds and set off to walk circuits of the deck reasoning that by so doing they would be able to disrupt the game of quoits once on each circuit. The tension rose with each circuit as the two insisted on their revenge through quoitus interruptus. By the fifth circuit it was clear that tempers were on the edge of snapping, wholly out of proportion to the situation. The ex-sunbathers, fearing violence settled elsewhere on the ship and the game of quoits came to an end. At that point the reason for the tension became clear. The losing team were handing over twenty pound notes to each member of the winning team. The game had been played for stakes approaching £200. Some people were becoming bored with sea days.
---OOO---
The Boer was making small talk with Robert the barman.
"When do you git some leave Robert?"
"March, Sir, then I have two months off but I am asking for three."
"Three months is too long you should be heppy with two. What on earth do want to have three months for?"
"To see my family, sir, my wife and my son. He is born since I came on this contract. I've never seen him."
"Think I'd be asking for less time off - babies - noisy messy things."
Robert shook his head as he left the bar to deliver a tray of drinks to a suite.
---OOO---
The Captain had a run-in with the puzzlers the next morning. The poor weather has driven most people indoors and seats in the library were at a premium.
"Went into the library. Write up the journal, don't y'know. No bloody chairs. All taken by the bridge people. Four chairs around the puzzle table. Four puzzlers, none sitting. All big y'know, puzzlers. Huge bottoms. Have to stand to do puzzles. Took a chair. Damn woman complained. 'That's my chair,' she said. Told her, yes told her. You weren't sitting in it. She agreed. Still said it was her chair. Bloody nonsense. Have to sit on my lap then. If you want to sit on this chair. Bloody scared she would."
"I know she didn't, I was sitting at one of the computer desks.. She came around the table and then stood with her back to me with part of her resting on my shoulder!"
"Ghastly old boy. Ghastly."
---OOO---
There was a rumour that sun-loungers were at a premium on the lee side and that people were taking the German approach with the use of towels from their cabins. The cabins were provided with bath and hand towels, in white, and deck or swimming towels in yellow. Those who wished to reserve sun loungers used the yellow towels but all were identical. The result was a series of double-barrelled arguments about towels as well as loungers.
"Excuse me that's my lounger."
"No it's mine, I left my towel on it."
"No I think you'll find that's my towel - it's yellow."
"So is mine."
Impasse.
The Captain immediately twigged the stratagem in the crowded bar.
"Heard about the towels on sun-loungers, Captain?"
"Terrible business. Will end in brawling. Always did in my days at sea."
"Their getting desperate you know. Some are planning to take their loungers to their cabins."
"Seen 'em, seen 'em. Large lady in a lift with a lounger. Terrible squash."
"It's the only way they can be sure of getting a lounger after lunch."
It was nearly as much fun as Sainsbury's in the snow. Panic buying sets in, the bread, milk and eggs go first and then the sport begins. Take two trolleys and fill them with toilet paper then wander down a couple of aisles adding some tins of cat food. Within ten minutes word will spread - "They're going to run out of toilet paper" and the shop will be filled with trolleys full of toilet paper while the toilet paper shelves will be cleared.
The Boer was making small talk with Robert the barman.
"When do you git some leave Robert?"
"March, Sir, then I have two months off but I am asking for three."
"Three months is too long you should be heppy with two. What on earth do want to have three months for?"
"To see my family, sir, my wife and my son. He is born since I came on this contract. I've never seen him."
"Think I'd be asking for less time off - babies - noisy messy things."
Robert shook his head as he left the bar to deliver a tray of drinks to a suite.
---OOO---
The Captain had a run-in with the puzzlers the next morning. The poor weather has driven most people indoors and seats in the library were at a premium.
"Went into the library. Write up the journal, don't y'know. No bloody chairs. All taken by the bridge people. Four chairs around the puzzle table. Four puzzlers, none sitting. All big y'know, puzzlers. Huge bottoms. Have to stand to do puzzles. Took a chair. Damn woman complained. 'That's my chair,' she said. Told her, yes told her. You weren't sitting in it. She agreed. Still said it was her chair. Bloody nonsense. Have to sit on my lap then. If you want to sit on this chair. Bloody scared she would."
"I know she didn't, I was sitting at one of the computer desks.. She came around the table and then stood with her back to me with part of her resting on my shoulder!"
"Ghastly old boy. Ghastly."
---OOO---
There was a rumour that sun-loungers were at a premium on the lee side and that people were taking the German approach with the use of towels from their cabins. The cabins were provided with bath and hand towels, in white, and deck or swimming towels in yellow. Those who wished to reserve sun loungers used the yellow towels but all were identical. The result was a series of double-barrelled arguments about towels as well as loungers.
"Excuse me that's my lounger."
"No it's mine, I left my towel on it."
"No I think you'll find that's my towel - it's yellow."
"So is mine."
Impasse.
The Captain immediately twigged the stratagem in the crowded bar.
"Heard about the towels on sun-loungers, Captain?"
"Terrible business. Will end in brawling. Always did in my days at sea."
"Their getting desperate you know. Some are planning to take their loungers to their cabins."
"Seen 'em, seen 'em. Large lady in a lift with a lounger. Terrible squash."
"It's the only way they can be sure of getting a lounger after lunch."
It was nearly as much fun as Sainsbury's in the snow. Panic buying sets in, the bread, milk and eggs go first and then the sport begins. Take two trolleys and fill them with toilet paper then wander down a couple of aisles adding some tins of cat food. Within ten minutes word will spread - "They're going to run out of toilet paper" and the shop will be filled with trolleys full of toilet paper while the toilet paper shelves will be cleared.
No comments:
Post a Comment